The (Ree)lationship Guide: 5 Common Issues that Lead to Divorce ...

Added by Ree "The (REE)lationship Guide" on July 27, 2012.
Saved under Black Men, Black News, Black Relationships, Black Women, love and relationships
Tags: book, divorce, Finding Love Again, friends, love, marriage, Money, Terri Orbuch, Women, Yahoo Shine

Photography by NHOPHOTOS; Chicago, IL

by Ree, ?The (Ree)lationship Guide?

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a research professor at the University of Michigan and author of ?Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship,? studied marriage for 25 years. Her research started in 1986 as a long-term study supported by the National Institutes of Health. The study followed 373 newlyweds. By 2012, 46% of the couples had divorced. Concluding the study, Dr. Orbuch learned there were five common issues that the divorcees would improve if they had the chance to do it all again:

1. Money.?Dr. Orbuch learned that money plays a huge role in marital conflict. ?Many divorced singles say that money was the number one source of conflict in the early years of marriage,? she said. She also found that, ?6 out of 10 said they would not share living expenses in their next relationship.? She recommends that each partner discuss their own approach to spending and saving early on in the relationship to set financial rules and expectations in the relationship.

2. Affection.?A shocking find that Dr. Orbuch found is that men craved affection more than women. ?It?s counterintuitive,? says Orbuch, ?but men crave feeling special and being noticed by their wives.? She adds that men who report not getting enough nonsexual affection were twice as likely to ask for a divorce, but the reverse was not true for women. ?Women are fortunate. We get this kind of affirmation from more people in our lives, our mothers, children, our best friends??so women tend to need less from husbands.? She recommends carving out time for regular cuddling, kissing, hand holding, and saying ?I love you.?

3. Blame.?Dr. Orbuch discovered when divorced couples found fault with their relationship using ?we? statements, they were significantly more likely to find love than those who used ?I? or ?you? statements, so if you plan to have a great relationship post-divorce, it?s best to kick the blame to the curb.?Dr. Orbuch suggests examining what went wrong in the relationship instead of playing the ?blame game?.

4. Communication.?Dr. Orbuch suggests having at least one 10-minute conversation every day with your spouse that is unrelated to the daily distractions in life (e.g. work and children). ?Talk to your partner about something other than work, the relationship, the house, or the children. Forty-one percent of divorced people say they would change their communication style and, 91% of happily married couples say they know their partner intimately,? says Dr. Orbuch.

5. Move on.? ?That animosity prevents you from being fully present,? says Orbuch. She added that people who felt neutral toward their ex were significantly more likely to find love after a divorce. This article will give you pointers on learning whether or not you?re over your ex.

Ree ?The REE-lationship Guide? is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her?Twitter: @iDateDaily Questions, comments, and/or concerns can be addressed to Ree via email at TheREElationshipGuide@gmail.com

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Source: http://blacklikemoi.com/2012/07/divorced-people/

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